Saturday, April 12, 2008

Tina Fey - The Sexiest Woman on TV

Okay, after a week where absolutely nothing good happened and I couldn't crack a smile even once, I figure it's a good idea for me to post a tacky, cheesy, worthless, and utterly fun topic. I know that I'm not the only straight male who feels this way; Tina Fey is the hottest woman on TV.

First off, lets break down the stereotypes of what men want in a woman. Most of us plateau on playboy by the time we're thirteen. And while I'm certainly not against big boobs, there's something bizarre when they defy gravity. So we all have our own kinks that get to us. Well, Tina Fey is the ultimate woman and here's why:

Brunette - I don't know who came up with the idea that blondes were sexier, but it's bogus. Darker hair is more exotic, more sophisticated, and makes women more mysterious.

Dark Rimmed Glasses - Come on, you know that it worked for Lisa Loeb. Nerdy glasses make a woman sexier. There is nothing sexier than the sexy nerd, whether it be the librarian, the school teacher, or the executive.

M.I.L.F. - Every schoolboy has the fantasy of the teacher who takes advantage of them. EVERY SINGLE ONE! There's not one guy out there who will deny that without lying. Women between 35 and 45 are the perfect age, supposedly prudish, but a sexpot behind closed doors (or so we'd like to believe).

Smart - Smart girls are more intimidating than dumb girls. They're more interesting, more challenging, and more fun!

Neurotic - This is the Yang to Smart's Yin. Vulnerability is sexy. Women have us by the balls. That doesn't mean they should act entitled. Cockiness is tiring and arrogance is unsatisfying. While Guys like to be challenged they don't want women who are inaccessible. Women who act a little insecure are easier to talk to. They're down to earth. So while we very much do want to "hit that", the complete package is someone you can sit and gab and gab and gab with.

Funny - Seriously, like life is not serious enough! Humor is more laid back, more accessible, and just plain needed for making it through this life.

Creative - The Woman is brilliant! Creative women have more passion and are more interesting.

She's Hot - I mean, come on, duh! She's got a cute face, a hot body. It's not the only thing, but we are men after all.

Now you may wonder why a married man like myself can get away with everything I've written above. The answer to that question is two words.

Ashton Kutcher

So if my wife is reading this and fuming at me, as soon she got to those two words she knew I had her. She's nodding her head "yep". That's right, and it's not just my wife. It's all our wives. Ashton Kutcher has brought out the dog in the women of this world. They just can't help but get all hot and bothered at the mere mention of the guy. And we would be threatened except he's a total himbo. I don't think he's a dumb guy but he has this non-threatening childlike persona. You kind of just want to squeeze his cheek and pat him on the head. Even when you catch him sneaking out of your bedroom in the middle of the day.

So there you have it Hollywood, you heard it here first. If you want the ultimate on screen chemistry, Tina Fey and Ashton Kutcher are your pair. The hot librarian and the boy toy. Now, there's a totally worthless and utterly enjoyable movie concept. Just make sure it's Fey writing the script.

1 comment:

Wes said...

Regardless of the "Ashton" situation, you're still not showing much respect for your wife going on and on about a celebrity or type of woman.

Frankly, I could care less about your observations that are common amongst every other person that's familiar with Fey. Way to point out the obvious, in other words.

Way to initiate a topic that nobody asked for in the first place!

Go kiss your wife, for crying out loud.